Let me tell you about my epic odyssey chasing that shiny Graviton Spike hand cannon - the kind of weapon that makes Cabal wet their space pants. When I first laid eyes on this beauty after finishing The Edge of Fate campaign, I knew I'd sell my Ghost for it. Little did I know I'd need the navigational skills of a cosmic cartographer and the patience of a Vex philosopher to actually get the darn thing. Seriously, Bungie? Fifteen steps? That's more complicated than my dating life!

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The Graviton Through the Ages Quest: Space Hide-and-Seek

That quest name should've been 'Graviton Through the Agony' because hunting weapon pieces felt like assembling IKEA furniture blindfolded. Remember that Outer Steppes part? I spent 20 minutes circling that stupid Rosetta Sentry building before realizing the computer panel was literally behind it. Pro tip: set waypoints like your loot depends on it (because it does).

Then came the Pylon charging puzzle - three mysterious towers needing Matterspark juice:

  1. Behind the weapon piece building (obvious, right?)

  2. By a vent (which I accidentally fell into)

  3. Near a cliff teleporter (where I died spectacularly)

The maze-like Assimilated Easement section had me questioning reality. I swear those shifting walls were mocking me! When I finally Mattermorphed through that secret room wall, I celebrated like we'd won Trials. Then came Augur's Bethel - jumping through train hatches and shooting portals like some interdimensional plumber. By the time I reached Ionian Campus' laser-barred door, I was ready to challenge the Witness to a dance-off instead.

Temporal Shenanigans: Upgrading My Space Blaster

Unlocking intrinsics felt like doing cosmic chores. Finding those Arc-sensitive plant pods? Easy. Remembering to switch to Stasis mid-fight? I died more times than I'd admit:

Upgrade Location My Pain Level
Temporal II Caldera wall hole 😅 Mild frustration
Temporal III Curtilage Divide laser room 😤 Moderate swearing
Temporal IV Assimilated Easement's endless tunnels 🤬 Maximum controller-throwing risk

That Stellar Sink journey for Temporal IV? Longer than Zavala's speeches! When I finally shot that ceiling flower, I hugged my Ghost. No shame.

Catalyst Catastrophes

This is where the real suffering began. Each catalyst requires Fabled or Mythic difficulty - basically Bungie saying 'want power? Bleed for it.'

Rapid Hit Collection:

  • 1 in Exile's Accord: Shot fuses like a maniac, got lost in pipes

  • 2 in Outer Steppes: Fell off the weather balloon roof. Twice.

  • 3 in Singularity: Laser room made me question life choices

Subsistence Struggle:

  • That train track Relocator puzzle? I'd rather fight Rhulk with a spoon

  • Jumping through reactor room pipes felt like parkour designed by Satan

Transcendent Zen Torture:

  • Caldera cliffside plant hunt almost made me Transcendently quit

  • Aionian Campus ceiling flower took 3 hours - I now know every polygon

Temporal Alignment Trials:

  • That Fallen boss fight room? Pure chaos with extra screeching

  • Gorge rock climbing nearly broke my spirit (and thumbs)

The Future of My Space Boomstick

Now that Graviton Spike and I are inseparable (seriously, I sleep with it under my pillow), I've got plans:

  • Gonna modify it to shoot confetti during Guardian Games

  • Teach it to brew coffee during downtime in the Helm

  • Challenge Shaxx to a 'fashion showdown' since we both love capes

Honestly? This quest turned me from casual Guardian into a puzzle-solving machine. Next time someone says 'hey, exotic quest?' I'll just point to Graviton Spike and whisper... 'worth every gray hair.' Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a support group for Guardians traumatized by Mattermorph puzzles.